-- 10:12 PM; Wednesday, March 01, 2006
seriously, i ain't feeling great these two days.

firstly, i got scolded by my teacher, and i really felt the guilt in me as i was the cause of the entire trouble.

then today, my CLAO results, C5 and a PASS in oral. at first, i was hoping that this ain't true. i wanted a B3, aiming a pass isn't what i really want. A pass in oral is a total turn off to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. seriously, it aint what i want.

then, i went for friendly match. it was a letdown. i felt disgraceful. i feel that i'm a lousy captain. i can't coordinate the team, i can't control respect, i don't even think that i have earned their respect for me as a captain. i am not fierce to them, i'm not assertive, unlike javier, though he is a vice-cap, he seems to command greater respect than me. felt real bad.

looking at my language, my life, i feel that i'm such a failure.

eNd

i tried to be happy on the outside, but what really lies within me is sadness and disappointment.
i fall back at nothing but loneliness.